The End

When blogging feels like a chore and you have nothing you feel like blabbing about to the world wide web, you know that your site has run its course.

I did not forget about my 30 goals before I turn 30. I am half way through the last year of my twenties, and the dread I once felt about starting a new decade has dissipated. Time marches on and I don't give a fuck. The enthusiasm to SEIZE THE DAY as if life as I know it will end on November 2nd, 2013 has waned. My goals are still achievable - they are all things I would like to do - but placing a time limit on them seems absurd now.

This blog meant more to me when I was bumbling my way though grad school. I was a 24 year old who thought she knew it all but really knew nothing. This blog meant more to me when I got angry at the drop of a hat and my first instinct was to blog about it, using the internet as my tool for catharsis like I would my journal in the days of paper and pen, and then, with LiveJournal. I still get angry at the drop of a hat, but I have found different outlets for my anger. Unleashing to some random people who happen to drop by my blog is no longer one of them.

I've outgrown this medium. I don't have the time or dedication to sit here and pound out something meaningful that few people will read. In the words of Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time for that."

And, so, this is the end. La fin. Yes, I have quit before, and I came crawling back because I thought I still had something to say. But this time, I have nothing else to say here. It's been fun.

Adieu!

peace & love
x-ine

2013

Here we are, at the beginning of a new year. With it comes expectations, hopes, promises to be better.

While it doesn't take long to settle back into the status quo, a new year is a fresh slate - everything can start anew. You can reboot and refresh. And strive to achieve.

For me, I have the goals I set out back in November. I have not updated my progress in quite some time, that I know. The last 6 weeks of 2012 have been hectic and many changes are afoot. I have been learning a fair amount about myself and how I deal with stress (not school-related stress; and not well, seemingly). This holiday season has been an excellent opportunity to unwind at home. I have also learned more than ever how much my relationships have changed since I started working in Ottawa and it leaves me asking many questions that will have to be answered as this year progresses.

I wish you all - however many of you still check in to read what I have to write - a very happy 2013. May it be prosperous, joyous, and your best year yet!

Status update

Holla!
Well, folks, I figured it was high time I check in on my progress thus far with these lofty goals I set for myself.

So far - not bad. But definitely room for improvement.
- Now two weeks sugar-free - minus that "sugar-free" cinnamon dolce latte last week and kettlecorn popcorn tonight. I am not calling these cheats. If you do in fact think I cheated, you can voice your opinion in the comments (note that I will probably ignore you).

- Haven't done much meditation of late. But in my defense (you bet I am going to defend myself), life has been hectic. There are a few *crazy* things happening at the moment (no, I am not blogging about them) and I haven't too much free time to sit and close my mind. I am not travelling to Montreal this weekend (hence why I am blogging at 11 pm on a Friday night) so I will be able to remedy that this weekend.

- Movies: I am modifying my original goal of "classics" because - really? I certainly don't watch close to 30 whatever movies in a year. Last week I saw Skyfall. Excellent. Daniel Craig. Guns. Sexual innuendos  Need I say more? Tonight: Paul. Actually hilarious. If you haven't seen it and are in the mood to laugh, hit up your nearest Ottawa Public Library branch and give it a whirl. I like cheap entertainment. But FREE entertainment is even better.

-Food: what you've surely been waiting for. Time to post recipes & reviews of the new recipes I tried! I missed last week's new recipe thing so I doubled up this week.

Last night I made ...

Kale chips. MEH.

Everyone and their uncle has been raving about kale chips for the last while so I finally (I know, bad nutrition-person) decided to see what the fuss was all about. I used a recipe from the Food Network (Crispy Kale Chips) and was anticipating a delicious and healthy alternative to potato chips.

I was underwhelmed to say the least. First, these fuckers baked for nearly an hour so that they could be dry and "crispy". Second, they still taste kinda chewy. Third, a whole head of kale and THIS (above) is all I got. PFFT. Over and out. So not worth the hype.

Tonight was my turn to cook since I had been slacking as of late. Thanks to the shared genius of myself and ladylaptop, we decided to try a Moroccan-inspired dish: quinoa with squash and carrot stew:

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Now THIS was delicious. The spices blended together beautifully and it had a nice kick. I managed to present it pretty much as suggested and it was well received by the ladies. If you're looking for a hearty vegetarian meal on a cool and wet night ... might I suggest this stew?

Still some things I would like to accomplish for this month, so stay tuned (spoiler alert: there may be a mini-rant about a stupid article I saw in the Gazette today in the works.)

peace & love.

30 x 30

I turned 29 at the beginning of this month, and leading up to this birthday, I was in full crisis mode: OMG IT'S GOING TO BE THE LAST YEAR OF MY 20S AND LIFE AS I KNOW IT WILL SOON BE OVER.

Which of course is ridiculous, because 30 is the new 20, and by the time I am 39, 40 will be the new 20. I will be eternally young, damn it!

But seriously, I have had to get over this notion that no longer being a 20-something is some sort of death sentence. I know plenty of people in their 30s who are no different from the people I know in their 20s - maybe a few more grey hairs (and who are we kidding, I've had greys since I was a teenager) and most definitely more perspective on life, which is a good thing. And they all still know how to party.

So I have come to accept the inevitable fate that I will be 30 next year. But in the meantime, I want this last-year-of-my-20s to be meaningful. I want to look back without regrets on what I have accomplished in my 20s and move on to the next decade of life with confidence and a clear direction.

I was inspired by The Sugar Scientist and Celine to do a 30 by 30 list: 30 things I want to do before I turn 30. I had many good ideas while I was running the other night - I seem to do my best thinking while running, yet can never retain these wonderful thoughts after the fact. Maybe I should run CONSTANTLY to achieve maximal brilliance? Or actually write the stuff down when I get home. THAT would be logical.

So here it is. I reserved the right to not publish items on the list that are way too personal for sharing on the blog. I actually don't need to be accountable to the internet for everything I intend to do.

Health/fitness goals:

1. Run a half-marathon and a full marathon
2. Run a minimum of 10 km a week, every week, including in the dead of winter
3. Sign up for a new activity that I have never tried before - any suggestions?
4.
5. Meditate once a day - yoga counts, which means more yoga/week
6. Sugar ban: spend 30 days without consuming added sugar/refined sugar products/sweets/chocolate - I was inspired by many people to do this and actually started my sugar ban 3 days ago. So far so good.
7. Eat vegetarian once a week - THIS will be a challenge because I love meat.

Domestic/career/savings goals:

8. Try one new recipe every week - ladylaptop, I'll need your help on this so long as we're living together
9. Purge stuff from my closet every 3 months - including the stuff that has been sitting in my room for nearly a year
10.
11. Find a job that I am passionate about
12. Save an additional $20,000 cash towards my future x, y, z
13. Take the plunge into the investing world

I’ve always wanted, but never gotten around to buying goals:

14. Buy a car - ok, ok, I haven't "not gotten around to buying a car" as I only got my licence 7 months ago. What's it to you anyway?
15. Indulge in one major treatment: laser eye surgery, permanent hair removal, or spider vein removal
16. Indulge in one luxury item out of my price range
17. Get a white ink tattoo - this may not go over well with some people.

Expanding my horizons goals:

18. Read 30 books that I have not read before - suggestions, please!
19. Watch 30 classic movies - again, suggestions, please!
20. Write 30 blog posts. THIS one counts!
21. Write at least one meaningful article
22. Make something creative with my own two hands
23. Participate in a cultural activity once a month (a la Jen Lancaster)
24. Try a new type of cuisine once a month - any adventurous folk want to help me with this one?
25. Learn Arabic - enough to not feel like a total outcast around my Middle Eastern friends
26. Volunteer for a cause that I care about

Just because goals:

27. Pick a direction and go on a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants road trip
28. Get an adrenaline rush doing something I would normally be too scared to do
29. Go balls-out and have good old-fashioned FUN at least once a month
30. Turn my flaws into strengths

And there you have it, Interwebs. My epic list.
I'll keep all y'all posted on my progress, especially since I have 29 more posts to come up with (which will also coincide with my 300th blog post overall - whoa!)

Remembrance

There are some people out there who think that Remembrance Day is about glorifying war. I think that cannot be farther from the truth. This day is about honouring the people who sacrificed their lives in two of the bloodiest wars of the last century. And for those who survived, it is but one way to thank them for serving our nation. Whether or not you agree with the politics of war is your prerogative, but for me, this day is the only connection I have to my grandfather. I never met him as he passed away over 40 years ago. He was deployed to England where he met my grandmother, who had already lost her first husband within 3 months of being married. They fell in love. He survived his ship being torpedoed in Italy and came back to England to marry my grandmother and bring her to Canada. I would not be here today had he not chosen to serve our nation and I am grateful that he did. 

So I wear my poppy every year and pause to say thanks every November 11th at 11 am because my grandpa was a veteran and he will never know how proud I am of him.

Lest we forget.

--

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved, and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields. 

Take up the quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields. 

- John McCrae

Back, again. Again.

Amazingly, I still have five followers despite the fact that I have neglected the blog for the last 5 months. There isn't much for me to say for myself that does not involve bitching about my current "life situation" - and it's totally a been there, done that situation so there is no sense in going there - again. Suffice it to say that this time around, I am better off financially.

But that's really about it.

Perhaps I am feeling especially *blah* right now because I am seriously hungover (ok, fine, DEFINITELY feeling especially *blah* because I am seriously hungover), but it's been a good month and a half that I have not felt myself. It's been a roller coaster of emotions, but if anything, I am consistently angry and bitter - and though I am good at being a snarky jerk, it's usually in snippets and not on a daily basis.

There is no sense in blaming my situation for being this way because surely I am not the only one with their life in flux and with the people they love most in the world living in a different city/province. Yet I can't seem to just shake it. And not being able to shake it has left me complacent. I have never lacked motivation and confidence quite as much as now. In fact, I think I feel worse now than I did 2 years ago when I was going through the same thing. This lack of motivation feeds me feeling sorry for myself. And that makes me angry because I hate feeling sorry for myself. Yet I still am struggling to bring myself to actually DO anything about it. Knowing this and feeling this is stressful. I am constantly feeling on edge and it's taking a toll on me emotionally and physically. I find myself making (more) stupid choices (drinking more than I should have last night would be one) and generally being distracted and hence stupid (in the last two months alone, I've managed to lose my cell phone and trip on a sidewalk while running (resulting in a highly attractive road rash), among other things).

It sounds so ridiculous. And it is. I know what I need to do - kick apathy's ass - and I just need to get into gear and fucking do it already.

Maybe after a nap.

(I'm only half-kidding).