Wild night is calling

I'm resting up/fighting germs so that I'm shape for La Nuit Blanche tomorrow.

The metro's running all night. Awesome.

And the plot thickens...

My life is a soap opera. I kid you not.

The twists. The turns. The drama (oh, the drama!). The cliffhangers! Oh cliffhangers, you are the bane of my existence! I hate being left hanging, as it were. 

Bored with life? Hardly! Where I come from, there is always drama to be found. And juicy gossip. 

But I digress. 

This evening, I have the great pleasure of bringing to you: the revival of the proposal. (Wee!!!) 

Yes, it's true. Just as I was reading our postdoc's protocol (and feeling way, way overwhelmed with the procedure - I am going to pepper him with questions next time I see him - I hope he won't kill me) I received an email from my supervisor... 

(CUE DRAMATIC music) He FINALLY got a hold of our contact person (the one who doesn't like me - and no, I'm pretty sure I'm not exaggerating) and it turns out some other communities who sit on some random council I've never heard of (there are too many) are very interested in my project. Yay! I'm not a reject! 

BUT (THE twist)... these communities are apparently less organized than Mistissini (which isn't saying much... eeks) so the approval process may be even longer (to quantify that better: I waited 3 months for Mistissini. That's a quarter of a year of my life I'll never get back). 

HOWEVER (THE turn)... he thinks it's a good idea to pursue the lab stuff (I know our postdoc is cheering about this) so that I have something to do while we wait for said approvals. (Oh, and who to contact in these communities would help ... but, well, that's probably asking too much).

NOW (THE cliffhanger) ... I have to wait until he gets back next week so I can meet with him and the postdoc to figure out how my original proposal should be modified (I will definitely have to scale it down) and how much lab stuff I can incorporate into my thesis (because everything the postdoc wants me to do is an entire thesis). DUN DUN DUN. 

Next week on the revival of the proposal: 

Hmm ... I can't even offer you a teaser trailer of what to expect next week, though I suspect it will consist of me, supervisor, and postdoc sitting in the office talking about everything but my thesis for the first 20 minutes or so. And then my supervisor will get a phone call. Or a pertinent email. Or someone else who is dying to see him will stop by. As for anything else that may occur - my mind is a blank slate. I know not.  

Stay tuned.

Also: I'll try to use less parentheses in my next post. I think I totally overdid it tonight. Sorry.

Finally: It's roll up the rim time again. But who are we kidding? I never win. It's a scam.

Ash Wednesday

I have never been a very religious person (the reasons for such are quite personal). Even so, when I was a young'un, my best friend convinced me (coereced me?) to go to Church with her and her family on Palm Sunday. I felt like an impostor in her Church (she's Catholic, I'm Anglican) but they gave out palms, so we had something to play with while the priest praised the word of God and gave thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ. 

And even though I'm not a regular church-goer, I still eat like a glutton on Shrove Tuesday in preparation for Lent, which starts today. For the last decade or so, my good friend and I have dedicated ourselves to giving up junk food for Lent. By junk food, I mean: candy, chips, fries, desserts, and pretty much anything that tastes good and is bad for you. 

You would think that as a nutrition student, it would be easy for me to condemn these foods. But, all of a sudden, you start having cravings for things you wouldn't normally eat (jelly beans, poutine, chocolate mousse pie ...). Your friends, knowing that you are (trying to) pay respect to Jesus, try to tempt you with Oreos and ice cream (ahem, the same best friend that dragged me to Church all those years ago). Your willpower wavers and you wonder if you will last 40 days.

 
I won't deny that I have cheated in the past, but this year will be different, I promise (God, I'm talking to you!). Dr. Isis, a fantastic blogger I have been following recently, posted a link to this site, and I died a little inside when I saw what was on there. So, whenever I feel the urge to devour a pint of Ben and Jerry's, I will go to this site and my gag relflex will be activated.

And now - time for a refreshing glass of water and some celery sticks...

p.s. Hockey biz - Jaro Halak is my new hero. He stole the show last night and got a well-earned shut-out. THE HABS ARE BACK! THEY'RE GOING TO WIN THE CUP!!! 

(small jokes)

Ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strange ch-ch-changes)

I couldn't resist the cheesy title. 

Over the last 5 days, I feel like I have gone through a break-up and everything that goes along with it: despair (the rejection email and subsequent breakdown), anger (directed at no one and every one), denial (hope that my project could be salvaged and that it's really not over), wallowing (some alcohol and sweets may or may not have been involved), and - begrudgingly - the beginnings of acceptance.

And, for mon beau chum's benefit, further proof that I really should "never say never" - it looks like I am getting back together with the lab after a long break. Since my (gleeful) departure from biochem and failed attempt at getting into a lab whilst a (temporary) nutrition undergrad, I had turned my back on the bench (quite happily, as it turned out) in lieu of fieldwork. At the time, I loudly declared, "I am DONE with the lab!" ... and well ... I have come crawling back. 

(As an aside, I had previously claimed that I would NEVER wear leggings when they came back - I own 3 pairs and that I would NEVER wear skinny jeans - I own 2 pairs. I have also declared that I would NEVER wear coloured jeans - but I saw a really cute pair of red ones at Simons that I am coveting - I have rocked red pants before and I happen to really suit the colour red. There is also a big NEVER on overalls - which still stands... for now.)

Now back to this lab stuff: our postdoc has already done the legwork for the project I would be taking on - so while there is little room for my own creative input (though this area of research is still mostly unfamiliar to me, requiring me to do lots of catching up) - I also don't have to go through the backbreaking protocol development stuff (especially since I would have no idea what I would be doing). 

I DO have to resubmit a proposal to the Department (and to the Cree I guess...) and possibly present at Colloquium again (which, quite frankly, is wayyyy embarrassing) but otherwise, I just need to get some (ummm ...lots of) training and off I go!

As for my baby, the rejected proposal, I have not given up hope on it. I invested almost a year of my life into developing that thing, and I am not willing to cast it aside and pretend it no longer exists. I believe there is potential to use part of it (the traditional food part) as a side project in a willing community. I really want to work with the people up there and I have so many ideas on what to do with the data. As for the integration part - that data would be so beneficial to both the communities and the project so we can all understand each better (not to mention the fact that we were told that the community wanted the integration study in the first place).

At the very least, I want to use the research I did to write a kick ass lit review or perhaps a cautionary tale: When collaborative research turns sour: dealing with the bitterness of rejection. Because - don't I feel special - my proposal is the first to be rejected since the project began six years ago. Go me! 

And now - it's time to dive into the world of antioxidants. I'm on the rebound! (See what I did there? I'm awesome.)

I know, I know

... An update with regards to THE PROJECT is forthcoming. As in, what happened, what's happening, and what will happen. 

I'm meeting with our postdoc this morning to talk about some options. 

Including...

x-ine - back in the lab? 

Never thought I would see that happen, but it just might. I know I said that my lab days were done - but the thought of having that option there kind of excites me. Never thought I would say that either. 

But I'm a year in to this Master's and I'm no further along than when I started. Which makes me feel like a failure as a grad student. And a real tool. 

Who needs Hollywood when you have ... Montreal?

What. The. Hell.

Shame on you, La Presse, 110%, and Antichambre. You totally led us to believe that there was some earth-crashing, life-altering news about les glorieux that would forevermore tarnish our love and appreciation of this team and its players. Jacques Demers, hearing that you were holding back tears led me to concoct the most insane scenarios in my head. Message boards predicted everything from a hit and run, to a Price coke habit. When you hear people saying things like this: 

"Honestly, there are things I know, and what looks like what's going to come out [in the papers] tomorrow, I swear to you, I thought about Mr. Beliveau tonight...and I just hope I'm dreaming. I'm a proud Canadien, the Canadiens are my life, and I hope I'm dreaming but I don't think I am" (translation)

you can't help but expect the absolute worst. Scandal chez le Canadien? Pas possible! 

The HUGE news I waited up past midnight for, my heart pounding? 3 Habs players were found to be linked with a member of organized crime. Operation Axe blitzed the city last week and arrested this guy, so apparently everyone who knows him is guilty by association.

Breathe.

My heart dropped when I heard a bombshell was going to be dropped on Montreal. And this? Not a bombshell. 

Like this is the first time a celebrity (in this town, hockey players have celebrity status) has been linked to a gang member (umm, Jose Theodore, Mike Ribeiro, Pierre Dagenais?). Come on.

So, thank you, French media (I am squarely placing the blame on the aforementioned parties for hyping this up) for almost giving me a coronary. 

Seriously, though, this is why the Habs will never get anywhere. They are hounded  by the press, stalked by paparazzi - they can't enjoy all this city has to offer without fear of being attacked in the media the next day. They are scrutinized with a scanning electron microscope (had to throw in a nerdy reference there) and hung out to dry if they are aren't picture-perfect role models for the next generation. People call for their heads the minute their production decreases. 

Like in Hollywood, everything, every move is sensationalized and blown way out of proportion. There are more stories about le Canadien than there are about important issues crippling our city, province, country, and the world. Players are, effectively, chased out of this city. We can't attract big names because who would want to deal with this bullshit? They are athletes who are treated like Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton. One wrong move and you are toast.

Ridiculous. 

I can't believe I stayed up for this.

From bad to worse...

Just received word and it is the worst case scenario.

The proposal was rejected. 

I have wasted the last year + of my life on developing a project they do not want me to do.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO NOW?! 

FUCK.

Unbelievable

I don't even know what else to say. 

It's almost a week later, and you guessed it - still nothing. No emails. No phone calls. An absolute void. 

And now my supervisor is in Europe. It's hard enough getting a hold of him when he is in town - you can imagine how accessible he is when he's not even on this continent. 

I could be in Vancouver with my labmates right now. But I am here, not even in Mistissini, where the weather stinks and I am beyond pissed off. I've said it before, I understand that I am not the community's top priority and I am okay with that (well, sort of). But at least take the time to fucking communicate with me. At least tell me that you have or have not looked at my proposal. Tell me if there something that needs to be changed - for fuck's sake, I have nothing else to do but complain about how I have nothing to do but wait! 

To add injury to insult, I have brutally painful blisters on my heels from snowshoeing in new boots with cotton socks (what a mistake - clearly, I am a moron). Now I can't even go the gym and break in my snazzy new Asics because the skin on my heels is raw. And oozing. Mmm. 

So, I will drown my sorrows in the Valentine's treats my momma got for me and hope that the beautiful flowers mon beau chum got me will cheer me up. 

At least Shaun will be happy - I'll be here for his birthday party this weekend. 

No. Nothing.

Even my supervisor has tried calling and still no word. Fuckity-fuck. 

The Habs got their asses whipped - AGAIN. Fuckity-fuck-fuck. 

It's cold, rainy, and wet. I am miserable. 

Light at the end of the tunnel? Bien sur. It's almost the weekend and 

• I'm having margaritas with ladylaptop and others tomorrow night
• I'm  heading up to the Laurentians avec mon beau chum to escape everything that is making me miserable
• Baby G is out of the hospital and is back in good health
• The only other bit of good news I can take with me is that I had a telephone interview with VANOC yesterday. In an ironic twist (finally, a good example of irony for a certain someone who may be reading this), a non-French speaking girl interviewed me in French to make sure I know how to speak the language (franchement! elle sait que je viens de Québec, j'en ai pas de choix de connaître le français grâce au Office québecois de la langue française - et cela n'est pas une plainte).  

Hmm, perhaps I was a little premature...

Not surprisingly, I did not receive any news yesterday. 

So I am back to waiting. NOT TO MENTION THAT I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY GONE TO VANCOUVER FOR A CONFERENCE NEXT WEEK AND WILL STILL BE HERE. FUCK!

Also, to add to my growing displeasure, I have officially confirmed that my department is apathetic and completely lacks school spirit. Again, this is not surprising, given that our department spreads over multiple buildings and on 2 campuses. Still, when only one person shows up to the session you hold to find out how your constituents (haha) would like to see life on campus improved (and, yes, I provided free, delicious, and (mostly) nutritious food), it's discouraging. But that's okay, I get it, you don't give a fuck. Or do you? 

The way I see it - you can complain to your peers about how things suck and nothing will change, or you can complain to people who are involved with school politics (the MCGSS, where I am, at best, marginally involved) about how things suck and have a glimmer of hope that things will change. The odds are not very good - but venting to people who are trying to make things better will get you farther than being complacent and bitter.

At this point you are probably thinking to yourself, what is this moron talking about? What a hypocrite! All SHE does is bitch and complain on this blog about how things suck! 

Well, dear friends and fans, I say this in response: you got me. 

That being said, I don't always just complain and not take action - when my supervisor goes MIA, I stalk him. When I don't get an answer from Mistissini, I harass them until they do. When I'm feeling despondent and disgruntled, well ... I try to think about how things could be worse or throw a couple of punches. 

As for being positive and upbeat and striving to make my life happier and fulfilling ... let's just call that a work in progress. 

But this is besides the point. My department doesn't care what happens at Mac and any desire I once had to try and bring everyone together is fading fast. If you can't bring yourself to give an hour of your time to give me your point of view about school in return for Whippets, strawberries, and clemintines, then I can only conclude that you don't need me as your representative because you don't want to be represented. 

OMG - news!

After several emails and verging on harassment, I finally have some news! 

... They're reviewing my proposal tonight. 

This is exciting news, guys - it means that SIX WEEKS after I last heard from my northern peeps, I am finally at the second stage of the approval process. Second and last, I hope, because I can't take much more of this. 

Putting out an APB (redux) ...

...Once again, on my dear Habs. 

What the fuck has happened to you? Six points out of the playoffs, unable to score goals, letting crappy teams beat you soundly (ahem, Leafs). Boys, I love you dearly, but you're breaking my heart. Let's get back on the winning side of things, shall we? 

Thanks. 

---

Weekend Update: 

• Spent most of Saturday lying in bed on account of being afflicted by the spins (surprisingly, non-alcohol induced). 
  
• Sunday was a beautiful (though windy) sunny day - and since the Milles-Iles river is completely frozen over, you can walk on it. So we did. You can snowmobile and ice fish out there. Or walk to Laval (no swimming required, right Steve?). 
  
• We also visited my former home away from home - the arena - to warm up, eat some junk food (the fries have declined in quality, much to my disappointment), and watch some young kids play hockey. 
• Les Stroud (Survivorman) vs. Bear Grylls (Man vs. Wild) - who's better? I like Survivorman, only because the episode we watched involved him in the boreal forest (my new home away from home, if I ever get there! Yes, I'm sure you're tired of hearing about me not being there yet, I promise I'll stop complaining once I get an answer)
• The most exciting part of my weekend (extended): my cousin's baby has arrived! And she is the cutest little thing I have ever seen. 

Happy Monday! 

25 Random Things...

As per usual, x-ine has jumped on the bandwagon - may I present to you my List of 25 Things (as seen on facebook):

1. I was born with fused kidneys. They actually function independently of each other, but they are fused in a horseshoe shape. 

2. I like to steal pens from places I work. 

3. In early high school, I owned over 30 nailpolish colours.

4. My favourite ninja turtle is Michaelangelo. I had a Michaelangelo birthday cake for my 7th birthday. 

5. The only foods I refuse to eat are eggs and brussel sprouts.

6. I've only ever had 3 detentions in school. My first one was from Mr. Wiggins for taking too long to change for gym class, one from Mr. Burt for having an "attitude," and one from Ms. Beley for laughing because Binish poked my boob with a pencil.

7. I learned my 9 times tables when I was 6 years old - hence why I was dubbed "Queen of the Timestables" by Sharon Kwan, which to this day is still one of my proudest moments. 

8. I got high for the first time when I was 12 years old - from taking 222s for a fever.

9. I've loved the Habs since I was small, yet I never saw them play at the Forum. I went to my first game when I was 16 years old. 

10. My first celebrity crush was Jonathan Taylor Thomas (cringe).

11. I secretly love Bon Jovi and Abba, but I'll never admit it out loud. 

12. I'm afraid of heights but I really want to go skydiving.

13. I've never dyed my hair.

14. I'm 25 years old and I don't know how to drive - not proud of this.

15. I want to travel the world. My next stops - Cayman Island, Egypt, and Australia. 

16. I'm a huge germaphobe and a clean freak. I don't like dirty things and I hate bugs in my house.

17. My favourite colour when I was little was fuchsia. Not pink. Fuchsia. 

18. I have double piercings in my ears but wear two earrings on only one side because the second holes are not symmetrical.

19. I am obsessed with coordinating and matching my clothes (among other things).

20. I wish that I could play guitar like a fiend and be a rock star.

21. The only video game I'm good at playing is Mario Kart. 

22. I devour books. In grade 2, I starting reading Sweet Valley High books, but my mom said I was too young for it. My favourite series in elementary school included Baby Sitter's Club, Sweet Valley Twins, and Goosebumps. 

23. Watching/hearing about bad sports injuries really freak me out. I've almost fainted. Twice. 

24. I really like sparkly things (ahem, jewelery). And sequins. (Well, I did used to figure skate...)

25. My top 3 favourite songs are Santeria by Sublime, Invisible Touch by Genesis, and The Trooper by Iron Maiden.

x-ine in the kitchen

It's cold out, which gives me a craving for warm, hearty food (and lots of carbs). Perhaps I am suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which I keep hearing the 3:15 shuttle bus driver talk about. 

So, tonight, I am eating Shepherd's Pie (my momma made it and sent some home with me - and can I mention how AWESOME she is when I go home? I had homemade pizza, Pad Thai, buttermilk pancakes with spiced maple apples, guacamole, ribs, and chicken fried rice this weekend), heated in my BRAND-NEW DeLonghi toaster oven!!! (yay for belated birthday presents - my birthday being over 3 months ago - and clearance sales at Linen Chest!)

A noteworthy side dish - fried bannock (a staple in Mistissini and just about any native community). It's so easy to make, I don't know why I waited until last week to start making it. I guess I want to feel like I am actually in Mistissini right now, instead of waiting (yep, still waiting). It's really tasty and even though the word "fried" may make you instantly think of clogged arteries, it actually contains the same amount of fat as the baked bannock (and tastes better - although I'm sure the best bannock is over the campfire ... mmmm).

On the subject of waiting, I finally met with my supervisor yesterday and even though I was pretty upset with him over disappearing and not being in touch with us, as soon as I sat down with him, the frustration melted away. He seems to have a special ability to make anger instantly dissipate (lucky for him because I was pissed). Anyway, the meeting proved productive because I submitted ethics today! So another step towards REALLY doing my research. Whoo!

It is now time for me to get my ass to the gym. I have been putting it off since the weekend of gluttony and I currently feel fat. I have an ulterior motive to go out in this bitter cold - the cross on the mountain was relit tonight and I want to check it out. Apparently, according to some unknown source, there has been some controversy about the $1.9 million that was invested for the cross renovations, in light of the reasonable accomodation stuff that has afflicted Quebec. However, this article seems to say otherwise. As far as I'm concerned, the cross (despite the religious connotation that it carries) is an important part of this city's history. Religion - particularly the divide between the Catholics and Protestants, and, by extension, the French and English - has helped shaped the Montreal we know and love today. 

And now, in closing, for your eating pleasure, may I present to you, the bannock recipe:

Bannock - Cree style 

Makes one 5" bannock.

  

1 1/2 cups flour (I use a mix of buckwheat and white) 

2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

2 tbsp oil or melted butter

2/3 c milk 

Heat 2 tbsp oil over low heat in a skillet.

Meanwhile, mix dry ingredients together. Add wet ingredients and stir to make a soft dough. 

Gather dough into a ball and place on floured surface. Knead dough gently, then flatten into a disk, about 5" diameter. 

Add dough to skillet and fry for 10 minutes, on low heat, on each side.

Optional: can add 2 tsp sugar and 1/4 cup berries or raisins. 

Enjoy! 

Groundhog Day

I don't care what those stupid groundhogs are saying about another 6 weeks of winter. Today, I am wearing salmon pink and I feel like spring. 

Go Cardinals!

Kurt Warner!

UPDATE: :'(